1. Peeing in the shower.
2. Peeing in the sink if the shower’s too far away.
3. Cutting their fingernails and leaving the clippings lying around.
4. Turning dirty boxers inside out to wear them again another day.
5. Sniffing underwear lying on the ground to tell if it’s acceptable to wear it again.
6. Wearing it anyway even if it isn’t good.
7. Shaving and not taking the time to wash away the whiskers that fell into the sink.
8. Scratching their beards and watching the dandruff fall out.
9. Taking their wieners out of their underwear before even getting to the urinal.
10. And leaving the bathroom before even completely closing their zippers.
11. Farting, then taking the time to appreciate the fragrance they’ve just made.
12. Farting under the covers then ducking under them to really take the time to appreciate the fragrance they’ve just made.
13. Farting loudly when no one’s on the street with them.
14. Farting in an elevator and praying that no one gets in.
15. Having a cold and wiping snot on the sleeve of their shirt.
16. Sniffing their armpits to tell if it’s time to take a shower.
17. Being too lazy to take a shower and slathering on deodorant instead.
18. Shoving their hand into their underwear and taking the time to scratch their balls really well.
19. Smelling it afterward, just out of curiosity.
20. Not washing their hands.
21. Picking their nose, then spending a good five minutes analyzing the color and texture of their day’s work.
22. Then eating their day’s work.
23. On really hot days, shaking their leg vigorously to unstick their balls from their thigh.
24. Peeing in a bottle because the toilets are too far away.
25. Forgetting to throw the bottle away.
26. Blowing their nose in the shower.
27. Not washing their hands after going to the bathroom, claiming that they “didn’t touch anything.”
28. Peeing standing farther back from the toilet than usual, just to work on their marksmanship.
29. “Forgetting” to lift the toilet seat.
30. Watching their balls move by themselves. LOL
31. Picking out wads of toilet paper lodged in their buttcrack.
32. Performing a sort of massaging motion on their testicles because they really itch badly and it’s the only way to scratch the itch without hurting themselves.
33. Masturbating, then wiping up with the first thing they can reach.
34. Like a sock.
35. Masturbating, and just waiting for it to dry.
36. Furiously scratching their pubes then leaving pubic hairs lying around.
37. Loafing around watching TV with one hand in their underwear.
38. Touching their junk in a nonsexual way.
39. Wearing jeans for more than a month without washing them.
40. Eating something that fell on the ground because it was only on the ground for five seconds, and five seconds is, like, nothing.
41. Going to the bathroom and letting the last drop of pee fall into their underwear. Of course.
This post was translated from French.