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I'm Very Sorry, Sweetie, But I Won't Let You Finish Your Day Until You See Mario's Penis

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It’s-a me, Mario, and here’s my dick.

We all know Mario, the lovable plumber who rescues princesses and climbs through pipes.

We all know Mario, the lovable plumber who rescues princesses and climbs through pipes.

Nintendo

Recently we learned that our overall-sporting hero has nipples, but guess what, y’all? Now we know what Mario’s dick looks like too.

Recently we learned that our overall-sporting hero has nipples, but guess what, y'all? Now we know what Mario's dick looks like too.

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Yeah, you read that right. As writer Luke Plunkett recently pointed out for Kotaku, there was a series of officially licensed comics about Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom that came out between 1988 and 1998.

Yeah, you read that right. As writer Luke Plunkett recently pointed out for Kotaku, there was a series of officially licensed comics about Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom that came out between 1988 and 1998.

Imgur / Via imgur.com

And it was here in the first issue, Super Mario Land #1, that Mario’s dick made its debut. So let’s set the stage, shall we? Mario is just chilling and talking with a robot when suddenly a fish carcass comes out of the water and bites his ass.

And it was here in the first issue, Super Mario Land #1, that Mario's dick made its debut. So let's set the stage, shall we? Mario is just chilling and talking with a robot when suddenly a fish carcass comes out of the water and bites his ass.

Imgur / Via imgur.com

The bite is so strong it sends Mario flying out of his overalls, and that, my dearest friends, is when we see Mario butt-ass naked with his whole package out in the open.

The bite is so strong it sends Mario flying out of his overalls, and that, my dearest friends, is when we see Mario butt-ass naked with his whole package out in the open.

Imgur / Via imgur.com

Mamma mia! It’s-a penis!

Mamma mia! It's-a penis!

Is that a Goomba in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Imgur / Via imgur.com

Remember how on the Super Mario 64 title screen you could stretch out Mario’s face?

Remember how on the Super Mario 64 title screen you could stretch out Mario's face?

Imgur / Via imgur.com

What if you could do the same thing, but with Mario’s…meatballs.

What if you could do the same thing, but with Mario's...meatballs.

Imgur / Via imgur.com

Okay, I’m done, but have fun not being able to unsee this dick!

Okay, I'm done, but have fun not being able to unsee this dick!

Imgur / Via imgur.com

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