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Beware of the Bandit


Beware of the Bandit



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  1. Is he really a shit bandit? That would suggest that he steals the shit. He’s more of a shit fairy. Or the Johnny Appleseed of shit. Johnny Shitseed!

  2. A question: I like dogs, though have never owned one. I’ve been taking my neighbor’s dog out for a walk a few times a week since I look in on him (he’s a widower) and he just can’t move around well enough for a good long walk. The dog’s a golden, and poops a pretty good poop. I clean up and bag the stuff and look for a garbage can. Two questions:

    (1) How much poop am I responsible for? Just as much as I can reasonably get up, or should I dig out the bits of grass that still have poop attached?

    (2) What’s with people that leave the baggies at the end of the trail? I assume that’s bad, but people do it all the time.

  3. I used to live on a corner lot in the suburbs. I put out nice “please scoop if you poop” signs. After seeing MORE poop than before, I went through my security camera footage, scooped up poop and deposited a large pile on the doorstep of the worst offending dog owner.
    I won’t say it stopped altogether, but the word around the neighborhood was that I would return poop to it’s rightful owner. 💩

  4. I think I may prefer this asinine approach to dog ownership over the ‘put the poop in a bag and then leave the bag there’ approach that I see all the time. The magical wood faeries don’t pick up the bags, but at least there’s a chance unbagged poop could biodegrade. On a side note this guy deserves the worse, I hope he steps in wet poop every day for a year.

  5. Someone in my community is 100x worse. There are 100s and 100s of black poop bags littered in every corner. Up trees, deep in bushes, on the ground, residential, commercial, eveywhere. How much of a piece of shit are you to pick up your dogs poop in a bag and then toss it into a tree.

  6. My neighbor’s dog was shitting along side my house for 2 years. I asked my neighbor he would apologize then clean it up sometimes. After a year of asking I called dog control. They said they will take care of it. Nope. I called again same thing. Went back to telling the neighbor to clean it and do it regularly. Finally I said fuck this. I put up a security camera facing that side of the house. My neighbor was pissed there was a camera looking on their yard but oh well. I’ve never had a problem with their dog’s shit again. They knew what they were doing but now that I can prove it they stopped. Unfortunately it seems this guy didn’t do the same. Maybe put a sign in your yard saying something like ” if you walk a dog pick up it’s shit we are watching” then an arrow pointing to the camera. Just a thought.

  7. Plot twist: He personally founded the Responsible Shit Picker Uppers of America to recruit as many as possible to pick up shit, and he never left one behind, until this one day his stomach became overwrought with pain. Sharp tingly pain so intense, he was rushed to the hospital where he soon after died from a ruptured appendix, and his last words were: “somebody’s got to go pickup that one shit. It’s my final life request.”

  8. On hiking trails….. in nature…. I see bags on the side of the trail! That is LITERALLY more harmful to the environment than just kicking the shit off the trail into the forest! I’m always hoping I walk up on a POS like that.

  9. Shit moths, Randy. Shit moths. They started out as tiny little shit larvae, Randy, and then they grew into shitapillars, a pandemic of shitapillars. Everywhere you look, Randy, shitapillars. They almost drove me over the goddamned edge, boy. I tried to exterminate them, I tried put an end to the shitapillars life cycle. But I failed. And now? Shit moths, Randy.

  10. There was a city in Spain that had such a big problem with owners not picking up poop, that they implemented a plan where volunteers would watch the owner walk away from a poop. Then they went up and complimented their dog, asking what it’s name is and breed. From this information, the city officials could get the owners names and sent poop back to 147 people in the mail! It worked really well! [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/town-mails-dog-poop-spain_n_3390191](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/town-mails-dog-poop-spain_n_3390191)

  11. I almost had a Larry David moment by confronting another tenant in my building. This lazy owner would take her dog out to piss right outside the door so when people go outside to get fresh air you smell dog piss. Shes clearly working from home so there is no reason your dog should be running to take a piss. I was about to go in on her because I’m so bothered by it. I have a dog, and grew up with three big dogs and you have to be on top of this stuff.

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It do be like that

This baseball is hit three times in one swing